Lawak Pak Pandir : Alkisah Sudu


Di sebuah klinik yang terletak berhampiran sebuah kampung...  

Doktor : Awak nampak tak sihat? (sambil mengambil stetoskop)

Pak Pandir : Pening kepala, sakit dada….. doktor.

Doktor : Aaa…. suhu badan awak tinggi, ambil ubat ni… makan 2 sudu, 3 kali sehari.

Pak Pandir : Terima kasih.

Seminggu kemudian…..

Doktor : Eh, kamu lagi? Apa pulak masalah awak?

Pak Pandir : pening kepala,…. sakit dada hilang dah…. TAPI sakit perut pulak….(sambil mengerang…)

Doktor : Ubat yang saya bagi hari itu dah habis makan? Pahit ke?

Pak Pandir : Saya makan habis dah ubat tu, tak ada masalah…… cuma, SUDDDU doktor…….

Doktor : Kenapa dengan sudu?

Pak Pandir : (dengan selamba) …. keras sikit ….. doktor!

Doktor : ???????


Pantun Lawak Khas Untuk Ultraman



Salam Lawak Brutal dari aku, orait arini aku nak berpantun ckit, pantun ni khas untuk para ultraman .Aku pasti Ottomen takkan membaca pantun aku ni, sbb dorang tak paham bahasa Melayu,  wakakakaka. tp sebab jasa ottomen menentang para raksaser maka aku buat jgak patun ni khas utk dorg. sengal je kan? bhahaha.  Korang semua jangan plak xbaca pantun ni wlupun korang bukan ultraman. korang kena baca jgak.ape lagi layan la pantun kat bawah ni.. 




 Pulau Hokkaido jauh ketengah
Gunung Fuji bercabang tiga
Hancur Raksaser di'fire' Ultraman
Ultraman yg baik dikenang jua

Dua tiga Raksaser berlari
Maner nak samer Raksaser Kero
Dua tiga Ottomen boleh kucari
Maner nak samer Ultraman Taro


Kalau roboh Kota Nagoya
Papan di Tokyo Ultraman dirikan
Raksaser muncul buat toya
Badan dan kepaler  Ultraman 'fire'kan


Kajang Pak Malau kajang berlipat
Kajang hamba mengkuang layu
Kalau Ultraman Ace tak cukup kuat
Ultraman Taro datang membantu


Kota Hokaido hancur diserang
Raksaser hepi membuat angkara 
Tiada Ottomen datang berjuang
semuanya mc tengok bola



ni buktinya ottomen smua ambik cuti,  dorang lepak kat stadium tengok bola, korang tengok gambar kat bawah ni klau korang tak percaya

II
II
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II
II
II
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III
VVV
VV
 V


 
p/s : kan aku da ckp ottomen lepak tgk bola, korang caya xskarang??  
bhahahahaha. perhatian lawak ni lawak original dari aku, so kpd korang yg ada naluri  nk merembat a.k.a copy paste pantun ni tanpa izin aku , aku 'fire' korang .. mntak izin dlu ok :) penat aku perah otak tau, huhuhuhuhuhu. 

Dialog Sengal Sam & Dol

========================================

SAM: Apasal ko marah kat tokey kedai 2 Ringgit tu?
DOL: Sebab dia tipu..Aku beli 3 barang dia mintak 6 ringgit. Kata kedai 2 Ringgit!!

==========================================

SAM: Kenapa kau cakap minum susu segar boleh bawa maut?
DOL: Sebab semalam semasa aku tengah minum, lembu tu terajang aku. Nasib baik tak mati.

==========================================
SAM: Kau kata ikan emas peliharaan kau mati lemas? Mana kau tau dia mati lemas?
DOL: Sebab aku jumpa ia mati dalam air!

==========================================

SAM: Semalam aku nampak hantu!
DOL: Uih! kau terkejut tak?
SAM: Taklah.... hantu tu yang terkejut tengok aku.
DOL: Mana kau tahu?
SAM: Aku tengok muka dia pucat semacam jer....

===========================================

SAM: Apasal kopi yang kau buat ni rasa masin?
DOL: Gula dah habis!
SAM:Yang kau pergi campur garam apasal?
DOL: Kan aku kata, sebab gula dah habislah!

===========================================

SAM: Aku tengok kau beberapa hari ini "candle light dinner" dengan bini kau, mesti dia suka.
DOL: kena marah adalah! Api rumah aku dah kena potong lah, lupa nak bayar bil elektrik!

===========================================

DOL: Kau ada AIDS kn???
SAM: Aku ada AIDS? Ish....mana ada...
DOL: Aku baca 1 dari 10 orang kat Negara ni ada AIDS. Aku dah tanya 9 orang, semua tak ada AIDS, kau orang ke 10, tak payah tanya, aku dah tahu...

===========================================

SAM: Dol, aku dengar bunyi batuk kau makin teruk!
DOL: Iya ke? kalau macamni aku kena banyak berlatih agar dapat Batuk dengan lebih baik lagi.

===========================================

SAM: Dah dua kali perompak yang sama datang merompak kedai kita.
DOL: Tu lah aku dah cakap kat kau, jangan pasang signboard "SILA DATANG LAGI"...degil!

sumber :  diolah dari  forum syoknyerblogging

Lawyer Jokes | 10 Husbands Still a Virgin

Lawyer Jokes | 10 Husbands, Still a Virgin 


A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"


sources

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