Majlis Rumah Terbuka Bersama Timbalan Perdana Menteri



Alkisah tersebutlah pada hari raya yang ke dua tahun lepas , maka tersebutlah cerita ini… Seorang wakil rakyat  mengajak Tok Batin dari perkampungan orang asli yang berdekatan…



Wakil Rakyat: Saya nak ajak Tok pi majlis Hari Raya Terbuka TPM kita

Tok Batin: Aikk… tak mahu la

Wakil Rakyat: Kenapa lak… setahun sekali je dapat peluang ni…

Tok Batin: Tok tak pernah pergi ke majlis besar-besar macam ni

Wakil Rakyat: Tak ape Tok… Tok ikut saya je… duduk sebelah saya

Tok Batin: Ehhh segan la… pe nak pakai? makan pe ada?

Wakil Rakyat: Pe nak segan.. Tok duduk sebelah saya.. kalu nak pakai, pakai pe saja… bab makan… peh..
memang sedap

Tok Batin: Kalu macam tu tak pe la… Tok ikut, tapi dengan syarat..

Wakil Rakyat: Pe syaratnya?

Tok Batin: Kamu kena makan pelan-pelan dan duduk sebelah Tok ya?

Wakil Rakyat: Tak de hal Tok… Tok ikut aje apa yang saya makan… apa yang saya makan, Tok makan ya…

Tok Batin: Haaa… macam tu la…

Dipendekkan cerita, acara makan minum pun bermula. Tok Batin ikut aje apa wakil rakyat itu makan…. Bila tiba makan satey, wakil rakyat bergurau…

Wakil Rakyat: Tok… makan daging nye aje… kayu pencucuk jangan makan…

Tok Batin: ya.. ya

Habis makan, wakil rakyat tu terasa tersekat sesuatu kat gigi, maka diambilnya kayu sugi lalu dicongkelnya daging yang terlekat di gigi. Bagi menghormati majlis maka satu tangan pegang kayu penyongkel, lagi satu tangan tutup mulut. Tok Batin pun buat yang sama! Dia ikut apa yang wakil rakyatnya buat, dari mula hingga habis Dalam perjalanan balik (hantar semula Tok Batin) ke perkampungan orang asli, maka ditanyanya kelazatan juadah yang dihidangkan

Wakil Rakyat: Amacam Tok… sedap tak makanan tadi…

Tok Batin: Woooo sedapppppppp… tak penah merasa sesedap itu sebelum ni… lain kali ajak la lagi…. tapi kan… kayu yang terakhir tu TAWAR sikit… kayu macam tu pun depa hidangkan ya?

Wakil Rakyat: Tok makan ke kayu tu?

Tok Batin: Ye la… Tok nampak kamu makan…

Wakil Rakyat: Tawar ye? depa lupa taruk garam kot… (dalam hati… he he…)

Bank Manager is smarter than a Robber

There was this robbery in Guangzhou , the robber shouted to everyone: "All don't move, money belongs to the state, life belongs to you".

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept --> Changing the conventional way of thinking".
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One lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her "Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional --> Focus only on what you are trained to do!"
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When the robbers got back, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who is only primary school educated), "Big bro, let's count how much we got", the older robber rebutted and said, "You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience --> nowadays experience is more important than paper qualifications!"
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After the robbers left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. The supervisor says "Wait, wait wait, let's put the 5 million RMB we embezzled into the amount the robbers robbed".

This is called "Swim with the tide --> converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!"
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The supervisor says "It will be good if there is a robbery every month".

This is called "Killing Boredom --> Happiness is most important."
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The next day, TV news reported that 100 million RMB was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million RMB. The robbers were very angry and complained "We risked our lives and only took 20 million RMB, the bank manager took 80 million RMB with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold !"
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The bank manager was smiling and happy because his loss in the CINOPEC shares are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity --> daring to take risks!"

Lawak Pendek : Keluarga Ujang



Ujang sedang di interview di sebuah syarikat :

Pegawai : Nama saudara siapa ?

Ujang : “ Ujang…”

Pegawai : “Cuba ceritakan tentang keluarga saudara !!…

Ujang : “Saya 2 beradik.. adik saya masih belajar di Kampung.. Orang Tua saya tinggal orang negeri sembilan.. Nenek dan Datok saya dari belah ayah tinggal di Perlis… Nenek dan Datuk dari belah Ibu pula tinggal di Melaka.. , tapi datok saya dah meninggal..,Bapak saudara dan mak saudara semua tinggal di Melaka..

Pegawai : “Apakan saudara boleh berbahasa inggeris ?

Ujang : “Yes .. i am … “

Pegawai : “now tell me about your family in English !!… “

Ujang : “Sorry sir .. i don’t have family in English … they’re all living in Malaysia”